Sex

When I was very young I strongly believed in waiting until Marriage to have sex, very moral and no question about it. This strong belief stayed by my side for a long time, however as time passed it started becoming more flexible and taking different forms! Which brought me to the next phase. I believed in waiting for Love to have sex. I decided that it is OK to have sex with out marriage as long as both parties are in love with one another and plan to be committed to each other forever. More time went by and as with the rest of the things in life my belief adjusted with the passing days as well. This is when I decided that if two people are absolutely wholeheartedly in love with one another, but the relationship will not last, it is OK to have sex, due to the never ending love. Even if you may never see each other again, at least you shared that special act with one another. An act so romantic that you will cherish forever. Yes, unfortunately that phase passed as well and became dust in the wind. Time did it, not I!
My belief has morphed, adapted, molded into something so different now that if my very young self knew this about me she would be shocked, disappointed and embarrassed, taking me for a true sinner and a slut!
I believe that sex is so normal and natural that one should be able to have it any time, with whomever one chooses, with as many people as one desires, and as many times as one wishes. With out love, with out commitment, with out any expectation, with out ever being judged by others or oneself, with out guilt. One should have sex just for the fun of it, for the pleasure, for the high, for the rush!
Of course it must be noted that this only applies to those who are single, meaning not in a committed relationship, and not looking for one. And we will assume that by sex we are talking about SAFE sex.
Why is sex such a taboo topic and a hot "issue" in our society? For a great thing which provides us with so much pleasure to the body and mind (proven) it has been treated very unfairly. We have made sex into something dirty, perverted and wrong. Not true! sex is pretty, happy, and fun. Sex is a rush with out the drugs, sex in natural (as George Michael said). Sex should be like kissing, hugging, even shaking hands! If two people are single and find each other attractive there is absolutely nothing wrong with jumping into bed and enjoying each other with out any expectations. Sex could be placed in the same category as having a very rewarding conversation, playing a challenging games, and watching a great movie with a friend! We should not judge those who have this motto about sex. They are treating their bodies, just the way others treat their bodies with exercises or massages. Sex is very similar to the massages we all like to buy at the spas, it only consists of a minor difference but a major increase of pleasure! And no payment needed (hopefully).
Sex should be looked at the same way we look at sneezing, not a big deal. It is a natural part of human existence. Yes, it is technically meant for reproduction, and the reason for the pleasure is to force humans to reproduce. However, we have learned to manipulate that just like we have done with every other natural process in this world. So take advantage and get the pleasure with out the reproduction!
Now of course we have the group of people who become emotionally attached after sex. This particular belief does not work for this group, they should stick with one of my previous beliefs to save themselves and others major pain and discomfort.
We all know that in the primitive days this was how sex was treated, free and open. Sometimes we have to go back to our roots to learn how things really should be done. Our species even had sex with other's spouses back in the stone ages. Now I have not proceeded that far in my belief, however by observing my track record on this issue in time any thing is possible! (note to husband: do n0t worry, just kidding).
Sex. It is fabulous. Have it, enjoy it, make the best of it, especially when you are young. Make good use of those shapely bodies! Girls, have sex with hot younger men with six packs, do not let them go to waste. Guys, well I do not have to tell you. When you are single, you are being safe, and your emotions are in tact... have plenty of sex with many many people, I will not judge you! I promise!

I went to Afghanistan

On Saturday I spent the day in Afghanistan, with Afghan women. I shed tears for their sorrows, their heartbreaks, and their tragic stories. I learned about the way they have lived and the unthinkable things they have been through. I went with them into their homes and saw what it looks like through their eyes. They took me to a journey of sadness, loss, and tragedy. They also showed me strength and hope. I walked the streets of war, saw decapitated bodies, cruel psychotic husbands, and a life so unfair there is no way out. I saw how the women of Afghanistan spend their days, how they spend their nights. I learned about the choices they faced, the tears they have shed. I spent the day in Afghanistan, with the women who have more honor than the rest of us!
I was eagerly waiting for Khaled Hosseini's second novel after I read his first one, the "Kite Runner". I bought "A Thousand Splendid Suns" as soon as it hit the shelves. The book was pretty thick and I am not a fast reader, therefore I figured that it will take me at least two weeks to read it. So I decided to wait until I am mentally ready and when I have the luxury of time. Plus, I was behind two months on my Glamour magazine which arrives every month. I would not want to start a new season not knowing what the "in" colors are for lipsticks and what 100 Men Secretly Think About During Sex! It was after seeing the trailer for the movie "Kite Runner" that I had the urge and felt mentally ready for the book; I wanted to know, take it in, and taste it. I guess it will not kill me to wait a bit longer before I learn about Tricks For Your Exact Hair Type! So I picked up the book and selected a book mark, knowing that I will use it often for it will take me a while to finish. I used the book mark exactly 4 times. That is how many times I put the book down. I finished it in a little over one day!
I could not bring myself to leave Afghanistan on Saturday, I was engaged, engrossed, and enmeshed with those people and those stories. When my friend called me at noon to set up a time to meet it had been 3 hours since I was sitting on the couch reading. I told her that I need a few hours to clean my patios that had a think black layer of ash on them from the fires, so lets get together at 6:00. I spent one hour on the patios, and hurriedly came back to the story of Mariam. I had to start getting ready at 5:00 but could not leave Laila and her tragedy. Called my friend and asked to postpone our meeting time. Just getting up and leaving with out knowing what Rasheed will do next was not an option. At 6:30 I had to leave, gathered all my strength and used the bookmark. But the thought of Laila and Mariam and Tariq did not leave me. I returned home at 1:30 a.m. a time when flossing goes out the window and my sole goal is to get into bed. But not this time, I had to see what Laila did next. Eventually I had to use the bookmark again when I could not keep my eyes open any longer. As soon as I opened my eyes the next morning they went back to work, reading the last two chapters and within half an hour tears were rolling down my face with no intention to stop. I even cried while reading the writer's acknowledgements!!
The book was heart wrenching, depressing, completely and utterly tragic. But, this writer is so brilliant I actually feel pleasure while reading his words of sorrow, death, and loss. Many times I had to stop because the tears were blocking my view to the words!
On Saturday night I was sitting in a hip lounge in Orange County drinking a Cosmopolitan with my girlfriend, wearing red lipstick and my new heels. But all I could think about was Mariam, Laila, Rasheed, Jalil, and Tariq. When we raised our two red cosmos to click together it came out of my mouth: "To the women of Afghanistan"! The look on my girlfriend's face was a Kodak moment! "Where the hell did that come from"? She'll understand after she reads the book I thought. We continued to drink, laugh, and talk about how cute Mark Wahlberg is that night. Once again my eyes had been opened to a world so tragic, so unfair, and so far, yet not to take action, but merely for entertainment!

Size Discrimination

It is injustice and completely unfair. It is discrimination against a group of innocent people, the "petite". Nothing in this country (not sure about the world, therefore I will not make any accusations) is made for us. Every thing is made for bigger "average" size people and our size is over looked. Our life is immensely harder because we have to find ways to cope with the largeness (this is a word in my dictionary) in order to survive. There is absolutely no regard or consideration for the smaller size.
The portions of meals; is my 97 pound body expected to intake as much food as the 200 pound guy sitting at the next table? I have to pay as much as him for an entree. Forget about the money, what about all that food that goes to waste? And for once I do not want to take my left overs home with me damn it! The sizes of clothes; I have to add at least $20 to the price tags to include the alteration, because the pants are too long, the sleeves are too long, the waist is too wide, be it that the item even comes in an XS or 0. Forget about the money again, what about the time it takes and my delayed gratification on shopping? Every thing is too high to reach; I have two stools in my house, one upstairs, one downstairs, to help me reach for things on the shelves. Outside of my house, I always have to ask for help (I hate it)! The sun is always in my eyes when I drive because the visor does not come down enough to cover my eyes. When I took a surfing class, the surf board was so big and heavy that I could not carry it to the ocean, nor Paddle with my arms which could not reach the water properly on the sides. So I sat that one out. My feet are always dangling from chairs, stools, benches making me look retarded. The massage chairs never completely do the job for me since the pressure is happening above my shoulders! I always have trouble seeing the screen, stage, field, due to a head in front of me. I cannot ski properly because my size skies are not usually available. I have to buy shoes based on what is available in my size rather than one that catches my eye or one that is on sale. I will not even get started on how long it took me to find a bicycle that fit me which did not have pink flowers on it.
Nothing in this country is made to accommodate me. It is either child or adult. I do not fit in the adult size, I do not want the child size. Life is so hard as a "petite" person.
This is the reason why I drive a SUV and will continue to drive a SUV. I am always the shortest one looking up at people when on foot, I shall be one of the tall ones looking down at others while driving.
We need to bring awareness to this important issue and make some changes. We deserve to live as comfortably as the rest of our species. The world needs to be fair to all mankind be it 5 foot 10 or 5 foot period.

Those long red nails

Going to elementary school in Iran with a young, fresh, eager to learn mind, I did become brainwashed. Even though my parents at home had different views, I managed to believe every word the teachers thought me in the classroom. I believed in God, Mohammad, Ali, Hassan, Hossein, Zahra. I believed in praying 5 times a day, fasting once a year, the need to mourn for the dead prophets, and I believed that failing to do so will guarantee me a front row seat in hell. I believed it all. Being faced with my "un-supportive" parents at home I was not very successful with actually carrying out all the responsibilities I believed I must do.
I was in 4Th grade and my sister had come to Iran for a visit from America. It was her first visit back home and I did not know her very well. She must have been in her early 20's and to me she was so beautiful, sophisticated, smart and fascinating. I looked up to her. She smelled good and had these long beautiful crimson red nails.
In school we had to memorized the Quran. Pages and pages of words in Arabic which we did not understand. I was a good student and had it all down, I knew it by heart. But just to make sure not to make a fool out of myself in front of the class when I am standing by the chalk board reciting, I asked my sister to test me. So she took the book to read over while I would recite to her words that she would not understand either. The first thing I did was to remind her very seiously, "make sure you do not touch the words on this book, since you have not cleansed yourself (vuzu)"! I noticed her confusion, so I explained to her that it is a sin to touch the wholy words with your "unpure" hands. She looked at me with a smile on her face, and the next thing she did put me in shock. She took her white smooth hand with those long fingers and those beautiful red nails and put it on the page of the Quran and moved it back and forth from left to right. She said "like this"? I will never forget that moment, I was frozen with shock, awe, confusion, and fear! She continued on smiling and went back to trying to read the words, but I continued to wait for something to happen. I had never been so confused and scared. How could she do this? Doesnt she care? Honestly, I do not remember what happened after that. But I will never forget those long red nails going across the page and how I felt at that moment!

Movie

I watched the movie "The Kingdom" last weekend. After getting over nausea due to Michael Mann's filming style, I was then highly disturbed by the blood and gore. Later I was angered because I knew that every thing I was watching was true and actually happening. And finally at the end I ended up completely depressed as a result of the very powerful last 10 seconds. I left the movie theatre sad, depressed, angry, disgusted, and totally helpless. Great movie, loved it!!!! I would say that it is an eye opener but we all know that the only people who go to see these movies are the ones who are already informed and the ignorant ones are next door watching "Good luck Chuck". We, the "smart", "open minded", "educated" ones keep getting our eyes opened over and over. And since we continue to ignore it and keep from taking any sort of action nothing changes. So let the killings go on and we'll go to the theatres and have our eyes opened about it over and over again and again! Great entertainment!

How I spent my birthday this year

I woke up at 11:21 a.m. , got out of bed at 12:30 p.m. Purchased a greasy (=yummy) cheese burger with greasier fries and a coke from the Carl's Junior drive through for breakfast and scarfed it down at home on the couch. Watched the Seahawks game at 1:00-4:30 (they won, woohoo!). Felt a desire to be close to nature, so decided to go to the beach. Walked around Newport Beach and saw some people in heavy sweaters and some in bathing suits (how weird is that?). Decided to go on the pier to get a good view of the ocean, but was faced with fishermen pulling out dying fish from the ocean that were gasping for dear life! Was disgusted. Sat on the curb by the beach and decided to watch the sunset. The smog was so heavy that the sun set before it hit the horizon line (had never seen THAT before!?). Decided that I want crabs for dinner. Couldn't find parking at the restaurant that said "Crabs" on the windows, so kept on driving. Decided to go find a new joint to eat on PCH, missed the exit so kept on driving. Meanwhile, there is smoke in the air due to a fire some where. As we kept driving toward home, we notice that the smoke is getting heavier and heavier! Poor souls whoever has to be around that fire. Wait, it looks like we are driving toward the smokey area! hhmm, interesting... as we get closer it looks more and more like the heavy smoke is coming from exactly where we are going to, home! So the last 5 minutes to get to our house we hit every red light which gives us more time to think about all the things in our home and how we could live with out them. We finally arrive and our house is safe. However, there is fire across the street burning the hills, big heavy fast spreading flames! After we panic, take pictures, talk to a few people, we come home and eat Trader Joe's Sushi while watching our neighborhood on the news. I get an urge to clean the floors. Now I'm sweeping and mopping the floors in the house while there is fire burning outside. I continue with washing the dishes, watering the plants, etc. You would think that I was getting the house ready for the fire. Then I watch my favorite Sunday night show (Desperate Housewives), followed by our Tivoed Star Trek The Next Generation (Jean Luke was injured which took him back in time). I end the day by listening to the reporter on TV say that the residents of Southern California will remember October 21st as a sad day, I get offended. I go to bed with smoke in the air finding their way into my lungs, thinking about how I should clean the black ash off of my beige patio furniture.
Happy Happy Birthday to Meeeeee!

I will run for a leg

J was born with two legs, but due to an ongoing physical problem one leg was amputated when she was a teenager. She recalls the day that her leg was amputated as the best day of her life because that meant that all the pain and suffering of her sickness, tests, and treatments would stop. J has a "walking" prosthetic leg now and is happy. She has a great sense of humor about it too, as she tells people that she lost the leg in her divorce settlement! But J cannot run, because it takes a special kind of leg for that activity, a "running prosthetic leg".
When M & I heard that J loves to be active and run, we asked her "what is stopping you from getting the running leg?" and she told us that it is because the "running leg" costs up to $30,000.00 and she cannot afford that. Since M, J, and I always laugh and joke together, we started joking about different ways for her to get the running leg. M is a runner and a cycler, she said "how about a marathon to raise money for the leg"?! At that moment the little glimmer of an idea was planted in us, even though J did not take it seriously. She thought that it was too vein of her to get money for a running leg when there are other people who cannot even afford a walking leg. Two days later M called me and said that she had planned to run the L.A. Marathon but felt that just running was not reason enough for her to do this. She wanted to do it for a cause, she wanted to do it for some one els instead of herself. She also knows some one who is informed about Marathons and sponsors that can help. How about if we actually go forward with this idea?! She really wants to help J! I felt a little hope inside me that this could actually happen! Can we actually do this? Can we actually be able to help? I've never done something like this before and am not sure how it works, but I can learn! I never run, but I can start to train, or I can walk! I know a lot of people who I can reach out to for donations, I want to do this! I want to help J! J's life is about helping people: during the day she works with homeless families that have children with mental health diagnoses to get their life back on track, and at night she reaches out to other homeless or underprivileged adults to give them a glimmer of hope. She is super nice, easy going, and outrageously funny! This girl deserves to get back from the world that she gives so much to every day.
When M told J about our idea J could not hold back her tears that kept on running down her face and was so grateful. But the next thing that came out of her mouth was that "then I can run with my running leg to help more people"! She also wants to donate 10% of the $ earned toward other people who do not have a leg!
I am so excited about this, I've helped people before but nothing this big. I've done "projects" before but nothing that I am passionate about which actually means something. I am going into this wholeheartedly and with high hopes. I really feel that I have the power, we will be able to raise enough money for a running leg. This will be life changing for J and I cannot think of any one els who deserves it more.
I will have to start training to be able to make the 26 miles, be it running or walking, so I do not collaps! And if you are reading this and I know you, you better start training too, because I will be harassing you about it!
Then the title of this story will change to "how she got her running leg"!

You are so fat!

The next time some one makes a comment about my weight I shall scream at them. I do not understand why random people feel that they have the right or are close enough to me to be able to comment on my weight??!!
There are only a few people in my life that have earned the right to have any thing to say about how I look and my weight. Those people are my "close" friends, immediate family, and my husband, that is it! Now why my mom's friends, some co-workers, or any other person not in this list feel comfortable to tell me that I look too skinny now, oh wait I've gained a bit too much, or now you are great try to keep yourself this weight, I do not get?! Do they not have anything better to do than to monitor my weight?
Do you go to a fat person that you are not very close to and say you are so fat? You have gained too much weight? You need to lose some pounds? I do not think so! The same rule needs to apply to every one els.
And forget about me ever bringing the subject up myself! I have learned my lesson to shut up about it on the days that I feel fat! Some days my pants actually are tight on me and I do feel like a lump of fat, but I never complain about it since the reaction I get is people getting mad at me because "how skinny I am". Believe me, that is not what I am looking for. Fine, I wont ask you for any consolation or understanding, but I am also not asking you about your opinion on how much I should gain and if I should keep this weight!

The Confused

There are three groups of people from Iran who have migrated and live in America. The first group consists of the ones who migrated to America during their late teens and later (17+). They were raised fully Iranian with Iranian beliefs, thoughts, ideas, ways, and traditions. We will call them Iranians. The second group consists of the people who migrated to America very young. They do not remember their birth country, adapt well to the country that they are raised in and are very similar to the natives. We will call them Americans. Then you have your third group which are the people who migrated in their early teens (11-16). We will call them the Amenians, or "The Confused"! And of course we have the "real" Americans who we live amongst, and that is what we'll call them. I consider myself as part of the third group. We are in no man's land, cannot relate fully to either Iranians or Americans, we do not feel that we fully belong to either group, we are the lost generation, we are Confused!!
The first 10-12 years of your life is the most crucial years since that is when a person gets their personality, beliefs and ideas. But you need a few more years for those beliefs and ways to take shape and mature. I was yanked out of Iran after completing 6Th grade and taken to America and thrown into 7Th grade Middle School, a completely different world! Every thing I knew and had learned in life was not going to apply any more, I was in unfamiliar territory and had to learn the new ways. So I did, I learned, I adapted and I adjusted. I had American friends through out Middle School and High School, yet I continued to consider myself Iranian because the Iranians that I knew were just like me. Until later in life I met the "real" Iranians! That is when I realized that I do not belong in that group any more. I do not understand half of what they are talking about, I cannot relate to them in any way, I do not feel one with them!
Us Amenians lack wholeness. We are not completely fluent in either the Farsi or the English Language, we have a slight underlying accent when speaking both. We do not share the childhood memories with the Americans who we live amongst and we do not share the teenage years our Iranian friends talk about. I was not raised with Star Wars nor did I go through studying for konkoor. I do not remember Saturday morning Cartoons, and I do not relate to going to darband with friends. I like "carbonated yogurt juice" which Americans find disgusting and I cannot stand del o jeegar which Iranians love. I do not like how most Americans are dry and simple, and I cannot stand how most Iranians are not genuine and lack honesty. There is no way I can play Charades with Iranians since I will not know what any thing they say means, and I probably will not have as much fun playing it with Americans. I cannot understand Hafez even though I can read it. I know all about American history, but do not have any emotions attached to it. I do not really celebrate Christmas even though it is my favorite holiday, I do not understand phrases like "voroodieh 74" or "kaf kardam"?? Us Amenians are confused because we are torn between family or individuality? virginity or freedom of choice? baghali polo or hamburger? Which group do we belong in? Neither.
What we get to do is chose the good from each group and throw away the bad and incorporate that into our lives. We have two cultures, two ways of life to pick from since we were never ingrained with one. Just like how I know by heart how to sing the United States National Anthem as well as Sorodeh Mellieh Iran, and they both give me goose bumps! That's pretty cool! I have two cultures. I decide to throw away tarof and keep the family values from the Iranian culture. I shall throw away the ignorance and keep the fairness from the American culture. I will take the fun loving spirit from the Iranians and the respect for other's choices from the Americans. I will return the cheating the system from the Iranians and give back the selfishness to Americans.
I guess I am more than whole with all of these choices and all of this knowledge from both cultures. Even though I may not be fully accepted in either one, I can lead a fuller life with both in me.

The last thing I remember...

The last thing I remember is that I was a student, I was a trainee, I was an entree level, I was a new comer, I worked any where that would hire me until I can get a "real" job. I tried to get away with things and slacked with coworkers. The last thing I remember is that I had big plans every Friday and Saturday night, comming home at 1:00 a.m. was a short night, I had all the new released CD's, I knew all the young artists and singers, I was popular, I had to be at the party. The last thing I remember I did not have any money, credit cards and student loans were my friends. The last thing I remember is that I was making plans for the future, looking forward to the years to come, not thinking of the now, temporary was a big part of my language and life, I had all the time in the world. The last thing I remember is that I was planning what kind of job I want to work at, what kind of house I want to live in, what kind of car I want to drive, and what kind of person I want to be. The last thing I remember is that I was single and waiting for love, but not looking, and the last thing on my mind was marriage! The last thing that I remember is that I was in my 20's!!
This morning I woke up and realized that I am a supervisor, a SUPERVISOR at a corporation! I have to catch the people who try to get away with things, I have to keep other people from slacking, this IS my "real" job. I realized that now I live in the house I wanted to live in, I drive the car I wanted to drive, but am I the person who I wanted and want to be?
Today I do not have plans every Friday and Saturday night, today when I go to a club all I can think about is going home, taking those heels off, getting into my sweats and drinking tea, TEA!!! Who is this person? Today I do not know those names on those new shiny CD's at the stores, I can not recognize the songs on the radio and I just am not able to match it to a memory. Today I can buy most any thing I want and not use a credit card! Really? Today I look down at my hand and I see a rock on my left ring finger, I call some one my HUSBAND!! Are you serious? Today I realized that I am living in the future! The future that I was making plans for, waiting for it to come, when did it get here? How did it get here? What happened? Who did I turn into? The person who I used to think has no life! the person that goes to work 9-5 and going to the movies is their Friday night out, who watches TV at night instead of being out with friends at a coffee shop or a bookstore. The person who rather spend their time with their family at home than going to a bar, the person who actually likes to cook! Is it really me? Do I really have my own plants now? I do! I have my own plants, I water them and they are alive! I get annoyed by loud drunk people, I turn the music down, I knit scarves, I serve jello as desert at my parties, I cant have more than two drinks. The friends that held my hair while I puked alcohol and would call me complaining about their exams are now Managers of companies, Pharmasists, and University Professors, PROFESSORS!!!! I am not in my 20's any more, I am a grown up! What? No way!! I do not remember how it happened? Maybe I am wrong, maybe it is not true, maybe I am dreaming! That's it, this is just a dream! I'm still a young student of life, I'm still learning and I still have things to look forward to! Right?