Wednesday, February 27, 2008

"If I knew then what I know now"

If I had the opportunity to go back in time in order to have a conversation with myself at different times of my life, I would have so much to tell each one of them. So many words of encouragement, advise, insight and of course warnings to share with them. These are only the high lights of some of the conversations.

I would sit my 12 year old self down and tell her this:
"You are so sad now, but do not worry every thing will be OK. Yes, you will miss your life here and every one who you are leaving behind, but I promise you that you will have such a better life in America. At first it will be very difficult and challenging, however you are a very strong person. You will find friends again and you will learn the language. You will have freedom to live and opportunities to grow. One day you will thank the Universe for taking you out of this country and giving you the privilege of a fuller life".

I would sit my 13 year old self down and tell her this:
"Every one your age is unsure of themselves. Every thing that you are doing and feeling is normal".

I would sit my 14 year old self down and tell her this:
"The most important thing in life is self confidence. Do not forget that you are strong, smart, beautiful and a good person. You make a difference because you are important. You can do great things and make changes. Have motivation to do more and take advantage of these years. Do not let things stand in your way of doing what you want to do. Love yourself more and do not forget that you deserve great things as much as every one els does".

I would sit my 16 year old self down and tell her this:
"Just wax".

I would sit my 17 year old self down and tell her this:
"Pluck your eye brows and lose some weight. Get better clothes and use some hair products for god's sake!".

I would sit my 18 year old self down and tell her this:
"Do NOT give him the time of the day! He is a negative person to have in your life and he does not care about you. You are better than that and you deserve much more, so tell him to 'Fuck off'' much sooner than you are going to".

I would sit my 21 year old self down and tell her this:
"Well I am going to leave the decision up to you however I would like to warn you. If you give him a chance 'just to see how it turns' you will fall into the biggest trap of your life and you will not be able to come out for a long time. You will experience the most powerful and intense love that exists, Young Love. This is something that not every one in this world has the privilege to experience and feel, only the lucky ones do. On the other hand you will get hurt so deeply over and over again that it will break you down. Since I still cannot decide whether or not it was worth it, I will let you choose".

I would sit my 22 year old self down and tell her this:
"Work in the field for some experience before you go straight into Graduate School right after graduation".

I would sit my 23 year old self down and tell her this:
"Do not let him treat you badly. Do not let him put you down and disrespect you. Have respect for yourself and show some back bone. Do not give him another chance, learn your lesson and be stronger. You are only letting him bring you down more by not standing up for yourself. You deserve some one who knows how to love you, some one who respects you and is loyal. Do not believe his apologies and his lies".

I would sit my 24 year old self down and tell her this:
"I am proud of you. You made the right decision and you will be happy now. This is the beginning of the rest of your life. This is proof that you are strong and smart and guess what? You will find true love again even if you say that you are "done" right now. Keep up with having a good time".

I would sit my 25 year old self down and tell her this:
"Spend more quality time with your dad".

I would sit my 26 year old self down and tell her this:
"What no one tells you when you become engaged is that marriage is difficult. First of all you have to be mentally ready for a married life, second of all you have to be up for the challenge. Think about it and make sure that you are prepared for whatever life brings you. Are you really ready?".

I would sit my 27 year old self down and tell her this:
"Chill out girl, it is just a wedding! Relax and enjoy the process, not every thing HAS to be perfect. No one will remember what the 'place cards' looked like, no one will remember if the color of the dinner napkins matched the color of the flowers and people throw away or lose their invitations. So save some money and sanity and have a good time. But all in all great job on all of your hard work, dedication and fabulous taste".

I would sit my 29 year old self down and tell her this:
"This is normal! Marriage is difficult and most couples go through this. So do not "freak out" because you think that you are the first person in the world who is facing challenges. I know that it is annoying to listen to people say "have patience, compromise, communicate and pick your battles" but believe me when I say that they are so right. He will never learn to fold his towel and place it on the rod so just accept it. It will get so much better, I promise".

These are the words of wisdom that I would share with myself if I could. But what good does that do now? They lived their lives with out knowing and with out being informed.
On the other hand they did survive and things did turn out OK for them. They must have had some wisdom to be able to get some things right. So all in all I guess they did alright.
I am just grateful to all of them for teaching me so much and for helping me live a better life now. I also hope that I am making my 45 year old self proud now!

1 comment:

Anahita said...

Makes me think... What would have I told myself...

But between you and me, you're heck of a preacher girl! Your teenage daughter is going to have her Auntie-Ana's phone number on her speed dial :)