Tuesday, December 6, 2011


As a member of the Lost Generation and a fellow Confused, I often wonder about where the fuck I actually belong. But then I move on and seek comfort in the fact that I actually have the Lost Generation and the Confused category to go back to. It is common knowledge that thou are not able to change the past, so I seek comfort in the idea of constant.
The philosophical side of me some times wonders about who I am? What the fuck am I doing here? How the hell I got here and where the crap I am going to? I feel like different episodes of my life have been played by different people under the same name and identity. The Shabnam who was a little girl living in Iran, the Shabnam who assimilated to the culture of a new country, the Shabnam who had fun with her friends, the Shabnam who fell in love, the Shabnam who survived disasters, the Shabnam who got married, the Shabnam who started a new life and the Shabnam that exists now. They all seem like such different people to me, maybe they were, they probably are. Who knows? No, really, who knows? I want to sit down with that person and have a heart to heart. Is this really it? This is life? Really? Why go through all this trouble for nothing? It is too much trouble for zilch at the end. This might be a joke that is being played on us, so smile for the camera at least. Whatever, I think I am going to play it until the end just to see what the hell happens!


Unknown said...

This reminded me of a conversation I had about cars with Ghazale couple of years back. I was complaining that in the US you pay all this money for a car and in 5 years when you want to sell it you don't get a zilch for it. She said: well you get to enjoy the car while driving it for 5 years!
So I think life is like a car, or even like your son or daughter. You get to enjoy them while you have them and when it's time to sell the car or for the kids to move out you shouldn't ask yourself all this trouble for zilch at the end?

Unknown said...

I think I'll stick with smiling for the camera!! ;)

Unknown said...

I think I'll stick with smiling for the camera ;)

shirenesBEAN said...

This is a really good post; I go through these sorts of thoughts every now and then...s