Monday, March 3, 2008

My buddy

She likes every thing that I like and dislikes every thing I do not like. We like the same style of music, the same type of books and enjoy the same hobbies. We always agree on what movie to watch and which radio station to listen to in the car. We come to a quick consensus on the choice of restaurant and we never disagree on whether or not it is time to go home.
We have not always been so close, in fact there was a time when I refused to be alone with her, spending most of my time with other friends and family. There was a time when I was even embarrassed to be seen alone with her. I would never go to the movie theatre or to just sit and have a cup of coffee at the coffee shop with her. I would only spend time with her as the last resort.
Some times she judges me and makes me feel bad for not being good enough, yet she continues to be encouraging. At times she becomes angry at me for the wrong choices that I make and does not wish to look at me, but other times she is supportive and understands why I do the things that I do. She understands my feelings, where they come from and how they should be treated. She also knows my shortcomings and weaknesses. So many times she tries hard to direct me to the right path or press me to go into my deep issues in spite of my resistance. She always knows when I am dismissing or blocking negative thoughts and advises me to tackle them head on. That is when I want to shut her out. Some times she makes me laugh so hard that I almost pee in my pants, yet at other times she makes me cry. Most of all, she is always there to help me up when I have fallen, to dust off the shame and hurt and to carry me on. Her words are always with me: "no worries, things will be OK, you can handle this, you are strong".
Lately I have been spending a lot more time with her (not by choice, but mainly due to circumstances) and I have come to know her very well. At times we spend an entire day together, just us, reading, eating, exercising and cooking. We go to the book store, the beach and the mall together. We take long walks, watch our favorite TV shows, sing our favorite songs and I even like going to the movie theatre with her now. We go on bike rides, smoke a cigarette here and there and sit on the porch and read Glamour. I stroll down the store isles with her, I go to the swimming pool with her and I attend Yoga classes with her. She is my companion for many breakfasts and dinners as well as other lonely times. She is actually pretty cool and a fun person to hang out with. I especially love her because when every one in the world is either too busy or too far she is there, she is my buddy.
I have learned many things about her that I was previously not aware of. I enjoy spending quality and quiet time with her, she gives me peace. I like to listen to what she is thinking and feeling and to try to understand her better. I am actually starting to understand why she is the way she is and who she has become. She is some one who I fully trust to keep my deepest, darkest and most intimate secrets away from the prowling ears.
We still irritate each other some times, but I have realized that she is the closest person to me. Although she is the one person who expects the most from me, yet she is also the one who can motivate me, encourage me, give me energy and hold me up when I just want to fall. She is always there when no one els is. She is my best friend and I can see her familiar face looking back at me in the mirror every day.

3 comments:

JEX said...

This one really brought tears into my eyes. I loved it. I feel the same most of the time. As time goes by, we feel more comfortable and close with our inner self and I am enjoying it. Nomatter how many friends or daily engagements we have, we still need our solitudes. I love the way you write and its my afternoon treat to check and see what is next interesting thing that I explore about you.

Shaghayeg-Ghanbari said...

I never thought you were talking about yourself until I read the last line!
Dude, you're good!

sanaz said...

hahaha! me too!!! I was actually getting mad and jealous towards the end!! I really was wondering who this BEST FRIEND is?!